Wow, I'm the worst blogger ever! I was so excited at first, and now this blog is a pathetic mess! Thankfully no one reads this, or I might have lost all my fans already.

Some thoughts from the past month:

• Every time I get a headache, I happen to be at work. Coincidence? No.
• People are morons. This is nothing new, but it has to be said. Over and over...
  
• I need a smoothie machine.
• Sooo siked to read the rest of the Twilight series. I <3>
• Big ups to my Jeep. 111,000+ miles and still going. I'm not letting her know I'm secretly scoping out her replacement for sometime this spring/summer :(
• Really super excited to learn about and use the Canon D-SLR Steve got me for Christmas!!!
• Thank you, Lord & Taylor. You provided me with a fabulous pair of high black boots.
• Pepperoni nachos aren't such a good idea to have for dinner.
• My African violets are still blooming! Oddly, they were well into their dormancy period this time last year. Still is the same spot too.
• I need a new hair color.
• Should I have a 30th b-day bash?
• Those battery operated flickering pillar candles from QVC are seriously awesome.
• I worked hard this year, and my W2 will show it. Go me.
• I'm going to try puring Bailey's in my cereal next time I run out of milk. It might be my best decision ever.
• I've coined the phrase "surfboarding." Ask me about it.
• I should start putting everything on my credit card. I like the Blink transaction feature too.
  
• Green Bean and Baby Bird are so cute! Even if they are a mess.
  

House Rules

Yay! My first blog!
This probably should have been the introductory post, but... it's not!

I was initially really opposed to blogs. Not blogs in general, just the thought of me creating one. I don't like exposure, I savor my privacy, and I really don't believe my every thought or opinion should be broadcast for the world to read. I haven't told many people I'm even writing this, but eventually when I get it going and accumulate some good material, I'm sure someone will find humor tuning in every so often. Just a site for storytelling, ranting, and everything else as seen from my viewpoint. All these things I think of and comment on, sometimes I need to know there are others out there who agree to prove I'm not nuts!

So for starters, here are my personal blog rules:

• Nothing work related. Unless it's a general, Office Space-type gripe anyone can sympathize with, I'm staying far away from that. This is a public forum, and I am pretty positive that would give them all the ammo they would need to boot me. My opinions on the work world are much too R rated.
  
  
• No family or personal relationship stories. That's really no one's business and people probably wouldn't care. Of course, I'll mention them now and then, but I think my thoughts on tacky Christmas decorations and everyday morons of the world are much more entertaining
  
  
• Nothing too controversial. Yes, I have opinions, and you may not like all of them, so I'm not going to be that blogger.
  
  
  So those are my rules. There's so much to talk about anyway without even getting into those topics, I'm confident I won't run out of new subjects. When I have some followers (after I tell people about it I guess), I'd like people to suggest some topics. Until something fun, annoying, or infuriating happens next to write about... I'm out!
  

Fade To Black...

I like to ask questions. Random, inane, sometimes irrelevant questions. "How much would I have to pay you to eat that cat food?" (Ironically, I've been on the giving and receiving end of this very question. And never the wet food. Never)

So the question I'm asking myself is, "How do I really feel about TV as I know it going dark in Feb 09?"
The answer: Not too worried! I was honestly more pissed when Clinique disco'ed my Blacker Violet liner about 2 years ago.

If you couldn't figure it out by now- Mr. Comcast does not have a place in my household. He's tried his best, but I'm much to stubborn to succumb to his wasteful and monopolizing ways. Am I really that out of sync with society for not laying around for 6 hours on a weekend glued to the latest degenerate happenings on Rock of Love? Are my grits any less flavorful because Paula Dean isn't giving me the step-by-step, greasy how-to on the Food Network? (Wait, when did I start cooking grits?) And finally, of paramount importance... is Philadelphia NOT always sunny because I'm NOT watching it?? No! No no no!

It's called Internet people! Hulu! Magazines! Newspapers! Friends! Co-workers! You can be in the know, up to date, and save hundreds of glorious hours a year if you get this monkey known as cable off your back!

Maybe you're not like me. Most people aren't. Perhaps The Real Housewives of Orange County are your personal role models; pillars of society one needs to watch, study, emulate. And The Hills. Ohhh those hills. I'm pretty positive I could empty the tray of hulled seeds and poo from my parakeets cages into a petri dish, add a little water, stick in a dark, damp place for 5 days and sprout something 100x more intelligible than those fake, bleached out, plastic-looking fools!

Now to my next question... Any ideas on how to repurpose a 19" TV?? :)

Twilight

The mission was clear. I needed to get my hands on the book that has dominated every facet of media, and more specifically, the 11-14 female demographic these past few months. And yes, as the clock ticks closer to the inevitable 20th anniversary of my 10th birthday (ugh), I simply refused to believe I wouldn't "get it." So I bought the book; all 500 pages of fantasy, fiction, and a little bit of fangs, and started reading on Black Friday around 10pm.

It was finished by noon on Saturday. I read fast. Really fast. And I have to admit, this book was a little hard to put down. I was so siked- here I was, blasting through a 500 page book, and then reality smacked me silly like that V-8 commercial. This book is a "Tween" sensation!!! For kids! Middle schoolers! I felt I betrayed my beloved Stephen King horrors, the 500+ pagers that took me days to read, and left my hands with that nasty preview of what arthritis might someday feel like. Was I feeling guilty for liking this work of nonsense fairytale and impossible romantic notions?

Here's my theory: Twilight is a big mirror. It's a simply written, easy to read book whose storyline is something we can all relate to and sympathize with. Yes, it's entertaining, yes the author is sitting on her pile of money waving down to us peons in Corporate America, but this is the reason why it's such a craze: It's all relative!! Everyone's been Bella Swan at some point; awkward, unsure, and mesmerized by that gorgeous guy in the corner of the school cafeteria. I'll admit it, Edward Cullen is a dream come true- who doesn't want a model-perfect, shiny-silver-Volvo-driving hero who catches your every fall, sports perfectly coiffed hair, and just happens to be a vampire on the side? (this now officially moves bartender to the "uncool" side job category) All fangs and blood aside, these fans fall into the abysmal non-reality of "this could be me!" This story is your classic cheesy romance setup with vampires, fast cars, and good looks to sell it in the box office (big ups to them- it worked). And left to the ever-active imagination of a "tween" fan, this book and movie (which is the first in a series of 4) is like serving up crack to the junkie on the corner- they'll always be chasing that first "Twilight" high.


P.S.- The blog keeps me honest- add me to the potential junkie list. I'm planning on seeing the movie.